What is NVC for? Although I’ve studied, practiced, and taught NVC for years, lately I’ve been revisiting a basic question: What is NVC for? One possible answer is that NVC is for more effectively inspiring people to do what we want them to. Before you object (and I hope you do), please note that I [...]
Although I see some value in communication techniques such as NVC’s four steps, I also have serious concerns about hazards of teaching and studying such techniques, including the loss of accurate feedback crucial to achieving the transformation that NVC was intended to support. In this blog post, I’ll try to shine light on these hazards [...]
“The greatest obstacle to discovering the shape of the earth, the continents, and the oceans was not ignorance but the illusion of knowledge.” – Daniel J. Boorstin Guessing others’ feelings and needs In NVC, people are taught to make guesses about the feelings and needs of others. They’re encouraged not to believe these guesses to [...]
I’ve been exploring an idea for the past few years that I’d like to share here. The idea is that I never react to others’ criticisms, only to my own (self-criticism). When someone says something that resonates with my self-critic, that self-critic is activated (resonance). It’s due to that resonance that I classify another’s words [...]
Recently, the moderator of an NVC-related mailing list I’m on wrote up a draft list of “guidelines” for the group to follow. (I don’t mean to single out this fellow. He just happened to provide a recent example of an issue that has been on my mind.) The list addressed some behaviors that he and [...]
In NVC circles, I often hear what I understand to be strategies described in “need” language. For me, the very heart and power of NVC Consciousness grows out of deep connection with Universal Needs and release of strategies. When I think I see strategy masquerading as needs, I’m concerned that the speaker and listeners are [...]
I wrote about “vague demands” in an earlier post. A vague demand is an expression couched in NVC need-style language that masks moralism and demand. (For example, “that doesn’t meet my need for fairness”, or “accountability” or “respect”.) Most of what I hear from NVC practitioners (including teachers) when dealing with or coaching someone triggered [...]
In my understanding, NVC Consciousness looks at the universe as abundant. Needs may be met in an infinite number of ways, and NVC theory sees needs as never being in conflict. What interferes with our experience of abundance is attachment to strategies. The only reason I know for attaching to a strategy is that one [...]
On a mailing list I joined, people brought up their discomfort about using or about not using the term “Nonviolent Communication” (or “NVC”) in their workshop title, as requested by CNVC. I’m writing this blog post in response, so that anyone can read it and participate in a conversation. The request about not using “NVC” [...]
I’m reading Alan Watts’s book “The Wisdom of Insecurity” (1951). The following passage touches the heart of what I wanted to get at in my post “Trust that …” We must here make a clear distinction belief and faith, because, in general practice, belief has come to mean a state of mind which is almost [...]
I often hear from NVC folks (including externally certified trainers) phrases of the form “That doesn’t meet my need for XYZ”, where XYZ might be “respect”, (emotional) “safety”, “honesty”, “integrity”, “mutuality”, “autonomy”, “appreciation”, “consideration”, “accountability”, “trust”, “being valued”, etc. Occasionally the needs might even be “learning”, “connection”, “order”. Most of the time, especially with the [...]
I’m fascinated and very excited about sociocracy, having participated in a weekend workshop led by John Buck (assisted by Mitch & Osa). John stayed at my house for the weekend, and we clicked deeply and had long animated talks of mutual interest, including the discovery that both of us develop and teach “empty tools” with [...]
The post Being and doing in the language of sociocracy contains a note I sent to a sociocracy yahoo group. The moderator did not allow that note to appear, saying The purpose of the list is to learn how to apply sociocracy. I don’t see in your messages any interest in doing that. and later [...]
Here is a note I sent to a sociocracy yahoo group (and blocked from appearing there). It’s a follow-on to the post Getting past labels. I experience an inner dissonance when I compare the sociocracy’s intentions with its language. If I understand Sharon below, sociocracy aims at clarifying what people agree to do (“roles and [...]
Some reflections on why I care whether psncc/nwcompass (and cnvc) adopt a more expansive and inclusive orientation and let go of “quality-control” measures like certification. I want to support the living & sharing of NVC Consciousness much more than any particular form/process. The “sacred place” rather than the “raft”. (That’s what I teach & coach, [...]
Here is our NVC group’s vision and mission statement: Northwest Compassionate Communication is a regional non-profit association of people who envision a world in which all needs are met compassionately. Our mission is to contribute to this vision by living and teaching the process of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), which strengthens the ability of people to [...]
This post is based on a note I sent to the sociocracy Yahoo group. I’m editing and reposting here for wider access. Someone asked the following question: NVC conveys the message that putting labels on people is not helpful for a connection on the level of needs. I somehow have the impression that in a [...]
I asked two specific questions on the sociocracy Yahoo group, regarding Trouble at the beginning. First, Q: Does a circle define criteria for who in an organization is welcome to participate (and thus be heard) and who is not? Or instead, do people self-select, based on whether they embrace the circle’s aim? If the former, [...]
For as long as I’ve been actively involved with NVC organizations (particularly our local one), I’ve had confusion and deep discomfort around use of the word “trainer”. There’s a strong dissonance between what I understand people to mean and what I understand of NVC consciousness & theory. I have two objections to the uses I’ve [...]
Last spring our local NVC group ventured into sociocracy. At a group retreat, the group made some specific decisions in how to move forward. (I had other plans and missed this meeting.) Through a number of email messages and conversations, I’ve come to believe that the group’s implementation of sociocracy is proceeding in ways fundamentally [...]
Sometimes people practicing (even teaching) NVC say things like “I want you to do xyz from now on”, or “I want you not to do xyz again”. Or they may cloud the issue even further by saying something like “I want to trust that you won’t do xyz again”. (See “Trust that”.) Marshall generally recommends [...]