December 8th, 2012

NVC is for getting beyond NVC

What is NVC for? Although I’ve studied, practiced, and taught NVC for years, lately I’ve been revisiting a basic question: What is NVC for? One possible answer is that NVC is for more effectively inspiring people to do what we want them to. Before you object (and I hope you do), please note that I [...]

October 30th, 2012

Presentation vs transformation

Although I see some value in communication techniques such as NVC’s four steps, I also have serious concerns about hazards of teaching and studying such techniques, including the loss of accurate feedback crucial to achieving the transformation that NVC was intended to support. In this blog post, I’ll try to shine light on these hazards [...]

September 27th, 2012

Doubting the NVC needs list

“The greatest obstacle to discovering the shape of the earth, the continents, and the oceans was not ignorance but the illusion of knowledge.” – Daniel J. Boorstin Guessing others’ feelings and needs In NVC, people are taught to make guesses about the feelings and needs of others. They’re encouraged not to believe these guesses to [...]

September 5th, 2007

Vague demands and “honesty”

I wrote about “vague demands” in an earlier post. A vague demand is an expression couched in NVC need-style language that masks moralism and demand. (For example, “that doesn’t meet my need for fairness”, or “accountability” or “respect”.) Most of what I hear from NVC practitioners (including teachers) when dealing with or coaching someone triggered [...]

July 30th, 2007

Abundance and Scarcity in the Consciousness and Practice of NVC

In my understanding, NVC Consciousness looks at the universe as abundant. Needs may be met in an infinite number of ways, and NVC theory sees needs as never being in conflict. What interferes with our experience of abundance is attachment to strategies. The only reason I know for attaching to a strategy is that one [...]

April 29th, 2007

Trust vs “Trust that …”

I’m reading Alan Watts’s book “The Wisdom of Insecurity” (1951). The following passage touches the heart of what I wanted to get at in my post “Trust that …” We must here make a clear distinction belief and faith, because, in general practice, belief has come to mean a state of mind which is almost [...]

March 6th, 2007

Distinguishing needs from vague demands

I often hear from NVC folks (including externally certified trainers) phrases of the form “That doesn’t meet my need for XYZ”, where XYZ might be “respect”, (emotional) “safety”, “honesty”, “integrity”, “mutuality”, “autonomy”, “appreciation”, “consideration”, “accountability”, “trust”, “being valued”, etc. Occasionally the needs might even be “learning”, “connection”, “order”. Most of the time, especially with the [...]

February 28th, 2007

Why I care about NVC organizations

Some reflections on why I care whether psncc/nwcompass (and cnvc) adopt a more expansive and inclusive orientation and let go of “quality-control” measures like certification. I want to support the living & sharing of NVC Consciousness much more than any particular form/process. The “sacred place” rather than the “raft”. (That’s what I teach & coach, [...]

February 26th, 2007

Missions, cats and rafts

Here is our NVC group’s vision and mission statement: Northwest Compassionate Communication is a regional non-profit association of people who envision a world in which all needs are met compassionately. Our mission is to contribute to this vision by living and teaching the process of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), which strengthens the ability of people to [...]